Ways to say NO. Part I - Fundación SHE | Science, Health and Education

Ways to say NO. Part I

Just as important as having reasons for not smoking is knowing how to get across my firm desire not to smoke, no matter how much they insist.

Below you will find 3 simple techniques for saying NO that you can practice as a family. Firstly, there is a brief description of the technique, then a short guide to each technique that you can try out at home.

Technique 1	I say NO
Explanation of the technique	It consists of saying ‘No’ briefly and firmly, without justifications or reasons. It is important to ensure the tone of voice is firm and decisive. The NO can be combined with various expressions, such as: ‘No, no way’, ‘Out of the question’, no way’, ‘I said no’, ‘No thank you’, ‘Thanks, but NO’.
Guide for interpretation	Person 1: ‘I finally got a couple of cigarettes from my uncle before coming on the trip… let’s take advantage of the fact that with all the chaos going on the teachers are not going to notice we’re smoking!’ Person 2: ‘No way, I’ll give it a miss.’ 1: ‘Come on, don’t be like that, we’ve already talked about this!’ 2: NO. 1: ‘Go, on, try it!’ 2: ‘NO thanks.’ 1: ‘But it’ll be great!’ 2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’ 1: ‘Wow, don’t be such a pain, mate!’ 2: ‘Sorry, but I’ve already told you NO.’ 1: ‘Everyone smokes, what’s going to happen to you if you try one?’ 2: ‘No, don’t mess about with me, I said NO.’ 1: ‘But it’s only one, we’re all going to do it, cheer up!’ 2: ‘Fine for you, but I DON’T want to…’ 1: ‘Are you going to leave us all in the lurch?’ 2: ‘Read my lips. NO’

Technique 1

I say NO

Explanation of the technique

It consists of saying ‘No’ briefly and firmly, without justifications or reasons. It is important to ensure the tone of voice is firm and decisive. The NO can be combined with various expressions, such as: ‘No, no way’, ‘Out of the question’, no way’, ‘I said no’, ‘No thank you’, ‘Thanks, but NO’.

Guide for interpretation

Person 1: ‘I finally got a couple of cigarettes from my uncle before coming on the trip… let’s take advantage of the fact that with all the chaos going on the teachers are not going to notice we’re smoking!’
Person 2: ‘No way, I’ll give it a miss.’
1: ‘Come on, don’t be like that, we’ve already talked about this!’
2: NO.
1: ‘Go, on, try it!’
2: ‘NO thanks.’
1: ‘But it’ll be great!’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘Wow, don’t be such a pain, mate!’
2: ‘Sorry, but I’ve already told you NO.’
1: ‘Everyone smokes, what’s going to happen to you if you try one?’
2: ‘No, don’t mess about with me, I said NO.’
1: ‘But it’s only one, we’re all going to do it, cheer up!’
2: ‘Fine for you, but I DON’T want to…’
1: ‘Are you going to leave us all in the lurch?’
2: ‘Read my lips. NO’

Technique 2	From YOUR point of view – From MY point of view
Explanation of the technique	When the other person asks us to do something that we don’t want to do. For example: if a friend offers us a cigarette and we want to make it clear we don’t want to smoke, we can follow two steps: - First step: FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW + (Repeating what the person criticising has said): ‘From your point of view, I’m a coward’. - Second step: FROM MY POINT OF VIEW + (Saying something positive about yourself): From my point of view, I’m someone who knows how to enjoy him/herself.’ Repeat the process as often as required. We achieve two things when we use this: we don’t get angry when others criticise us and we don’t let them get away with it.
Guide for interpretation	Person 1: ‘Let’s see who is brave enough take a drag on this cigarette now the teachers can’t see us’. Person 2: ‘I’ll give it a miss, I’m not into playing games with my health, thanks.’ Person 1: ‘The problem is that you’re a coward and you’re hiding behind the health thing so as not to do it.’ Person 2: ‘From your point of view, I’m a coward. From your point of view, I’m someone who knows how to enjoy him/herself without messing about with their health.’

Technique 2

From YOUR point of view – From MY point of view

Explanation of the technique

When the other person asks us to do something that we don’t want to do. For example: if a friend offers us a cigarette and we want to make it clear we don’t want to smoke, we can follow two steps:

- First step: FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW + (Repeating what the person criticising has said): ‘From your point of view, I’m a coward’.
- Second step: FROM MY POINT OF VIEW + (Saying something positive about yourself): From my point of view, I’m someone who knows how to enjoy him/herself.’ Repeat the process as often as required.

We achieve two things when we use this: we don’t get angry when others criticise us and we don’t let them get away with it.

Guide for interpretation

Person 1: ‘Let’s see who is brave enough take a drag on this cigarette now the teachers can’t see us’.
Person 2: ‘I’ll give it a miss, I’m not into playing games with my health, thanks.’
Person 1: ‘The problem is that you’re a coward and you’re hiding behind the health thing so as not to do it.’
Person 2: ‘From your point of view, I’m a coward. From your point of view, I’m someone who knows how to enjoy him/herself without messing about with their health.’

Technique 3	Postponing
Explanation of the technique	This involves postponing the response to some other time.
Guide for interpretation	Person 1: ‘You’re so cool, I’m sure you’ll want to be the first to try, right?’ Person 2: ‘Not right now, mate, I’ve got a basketball game tomorrow and I want to be a hundred percent…’.

Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash